The Unpleasantness of Public Bathrooms
by Crawler
Summary: Kurt is the only boy allowed in the girls' bathrooms. That doesn't mean he's the only boy who ever goes in there... Kurt/Rachel friendship, Jacob/Rachel unrequited advances


Title: The Unpleasantness of Public Bathrooms

Author: Spider

Pairing,Character(s): Kurt and Rachel friendship, Jacob ben Israel/Rachel

Rating: Hrmm... let's go with PG? Mention of non-consensual groping

Word Count: 1726

Spoilers: Er... Hairography? I think that's the only one with anything spoiled by this fic.

Summary: A chance encounter in a bathroom means Kurt Hummel _isn't _the damsel in distress. For once.

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**The Unpleasantness of Public Bathrooms**

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Kurt is the only boy allowed in the girls' bathrooms.

That doesn't mean he's the only boy who ever goes in there, but he's the only one not met with squeals if the room isn't empty. And he's the only one who would enter the girls' bathroom without a girl on his arm. _How do you do it?_ Artie had asked him once. Kurt had just laughed and shook his head.

_You have to be honestly disinterested in anything Puck would describe as 'boobalicious.'_

When Kurt pushed the door to the boys' bathroom open and caught a glimpse of some jocks in letter jackets at the urinals, he immediately turned around and walked back out before they could see him. Today was a girls' bathroom day. Kurt didn't mind. The girls had better mirrors, anyway, and he really just wanted to make sure his face was okay after a science class spent outside in the hot afternoon sun (really, did they need a practical demonstration on how hot air balloons worked? _Really_?).

Kurt wasn't the only boy in there today, though. He could hear the low murmurs of an amorous couple in one of the stalls and simply rolled his eyes, heading quietly to the sinks so as not to disturb them.

Come to think of it, that guy's voice sounded awfully familiar. Jacob ben Israel's nasal drawl was one _every _student at WMHS could identify (and usually run from).

"This is the star treatment, baby. Now come on, off with the clothes and we'll make it fast. And with my publicity, you'll be a shoe-in for Laurey in the school's performance of _Oklahoma!_."

Dear lord. What female had Israel managed to con into sex with _those _lines? Even Kurt, with all his inexperience, knew that Israel was pathetic here. _Bribing _a girl into sex?

But wait. Laurey? School play? Kurt met his eyes in the mirror, pressing three fingers to his lips to smother his laughter. _Rachel Berry._ Of course. And she was the one Israel had some sort of a ridiculous crush on. But _sexual favors_? He didn't think she'd stoop so low. She was still dating Finn, after all... and oh, when Finn found out? Kurt could make sure Finn found out. He was very good at keeping gossip moving. It would serve Rachel right, for cheating on Finn. Quinn had done that, and look how she turned out...

"S-stop it, Jacob... this isn't funny. Let me out."

Kurt's smile dropped almost immediately, his head whipping around to scan the row of stalls. That was Rachel all right.

"Don't touch me!"

Kurt heard Rachel slap at Jacob—his hand? It didn't sound like a face slap, and then she gave a little shriek and Kurt was moving. The stall at the end, that one seemed to be the one they were in.

"Stop it, you can't do this!"

The door was locked, of course, and while Kurt figured it couldn't be _that _hard to kick the lock in, he wasn't sure where Rachel and Jacob were in the small stall. He didn't want to kick the door open into Rachel's back or something. Crouching down, careful not to touch the tiles with anything other than the bottom of his shoes, Kurt craned his neck and looked under the stall. Jacob had Rachel pressed up against the door. Kicking it open would be useless. And Jacob was _laughing_... that son of a bitch! Kurt closed his eyes, promised himself that Rachel would repay him for what he was about to do his clothes, and dropped to his knees, going into the stall beside theirs. He reached under the wall, wincing as his Alexander McQueen shirt slid across the filthy floor, and grabbed Jacob's ankles, then _yanked _as hard as he could. Jacob squealed as he toppled, falling against the toilet, his legs in the other stall with Kurt.

"Who did that!"

Rachel, however, was being smart, and Kurt could hear her unlocking the stall and getting out. He quickly jumped to his feet and pushed his own stall open, stepping out to find her. She was huddling in the corner, holding her unbuttoned blouse closed with one hand, tugging her skirt down with the other. "Rachel?"

"K-Kurt? What are you...?"

"Boys' room was full. Excuse me a moment, please." Kurt pushed the other stall open, stepping in and hauling Israel to his feet by the collar of his shirt. "You listen up, Israel," he sneered, slamming him against the stall wall. "You do not _ever_ attack a girl. Trying to get a quote is one thing, but this? This is go-to-jail level of offense."

"What are you even doing here, Hummel?" Jacob asked, his voice wavering. He was a mess, his glasses cock-eyed on his nose, pants open. "Trying to make a move on your brother's girl?"

Kurt laughed in Jacob's face. "I'm _gay_," he reminded the other boy. "You devoted a whole blog post to that last year when I joined the Cheerios, remember? Now you," he yanked Jacob away from the wall and shoved him out of the stall, still keeping a firm grip on his collar, "are going to apologize to Rachel, and then you're going to get the hell out of this bathroom and never come near her again. And if she wants to press charges, I will certainly be happy to be her witness."

Israel gulped audibly and managed a "S-s-sorry Rachel..." before Kurt shoved him toward the door. He bolted.

Kurt rolled his eyes before turning back to Rachel, still huddled in the corner. "Rachel..."

"Thank you, Kurt," Rachel whispered.

Kurt looked her over and sighed, approaching slowly with his hands held up in front of him. "Are you hurt? He didn't..."

"Just... just groped me," Rachel squeezed her eyes shut and shuddered. "Under... under everything... don't tell Finn, please don't..."

"Oh, sweetie..." The endearment slipped out automatically, surprising even Kurt. He must have been spending far too much time around Carole. Still, he brushed that off and reached out carefully, setting one hand on Rachel's shoulder, then the other. She didn't shake him off, so he slowly drew her away from the wall (and god knew the last time the _walls _had been cleaned. At least the janitors mopped the floors). Rachel let him pull her, sagging against his chest with a sob. "Shh," Kurt murmured, wrapping his arms around her loosely, stroking her hair. He never thought he'd be comforting _Rachel Berry_, of all people, in a _girls' bathroom_, of all places, but Glee really did make impossible things happen. "He's gone, Rachel. It's okay now."

"I didn't encourage him," Rachel whispered. "I came in here because I didn't think he'd follow me..."

"If he ever tries that again," Kurt said, "you should lead him to a teacher. Go to Mr. Schu—you're his favorite. He won't let anyone harass you. Bathrooms are the worst place. Only one exit, and they're surprisingly soundproof." His voice was only slightly bitter, speaking from experience. There was a reason Kurt had started using the girls' bathrooms, after all.

Rachel nodded her understanding against Kurt's shoulder, and he gave her one more squeeze before stepping back. "Why don't you fix your blouse," he said. "I'll get you a wet towel for your face." Rachel nodded again, lifting her hands to her shirt. Her fingers were shaking too much, though, to manipulate the buttons. Kurt sighed after a moment and stepped in again, gently batting her hands away and doing them up for her. "How about we just skip the rest of class, okay? We'll go to the fudge shop for some chocolate, then to the spa for facials. Nothing beats high-quality pampering after a stressful day."

"I've never had a..."

"Never had a facial?" Kurt raised an eyebrow as he looked at Rachel. "Dear lord above, you are _deprived_. This one will be on me. You'll love it. Trust me."

Rachel smiled a little weakly, letting Kurt take her to the sinks to wet a paper towel and dab her face lightly with it. "Why are you being so nice? I thought you hated me..."

"Dislike," Kurt answered. "Not hate. I _dislike_ you. I _hate _people like Israel or Karofsky. And you, Rachel, for all your faults, are nowhere near that level of asshole."

Rachel drooped, and Kurt sighed, throwing out the paper towel and squeezing her shoulder. "You're a Gleek, Rachel. You're one of us. And while you are my biggest competition for decent solos, a fact which is _not _at all helped by Mr. Schu's blatant favoritism... you're one of my twelve favorite people in this school. Yes," he said, at her hopeful look. "You really are. I both dislike _and _like you."

"You made me over like some sort of tart..."

Kurt waved his hand dismissively. "Immature jealousy can rear its ugly head even in the best of us... although, Rachel, if you had even known Finn at all back then, bothered to talk to him outside of that fantasy world in your head, you would have realized the malicious intent behind my actions. Though you _did _look hot. Just not Finn's type."

Rachel was drooping again, and Kurt closed his eyes, rubbing the bridge of his nose for a moment before he stepped forward and hugged Rachel again. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. And I shouldn't have said that just now. You do know Finn—now—and he does love you. Very much." He rolled his eyes behind Rachel's back. "Trust me. I hear about it _all the time._"

"You won't tell him about this?"

Kurt sighed, rubbing Rachel's back. "Rachel... he's your boyfriend. He should hear about this, if only so he knows why you're so upset. I can promise you, though, he won't think anything less of you. We _all _know Israel's a creep with a massive and perverse crush on you. This wasn't your fault."

"... thank you," Rachel whispered.

Kurt smiled a little, pressing his cheek to her hair. "Come on. The spa is calling our names..."


End file.
